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i know what i want… June 6, 2007

Posted by espritnoir in I, Me and Myself..., Random Thoughts....
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Someday I’ll be Saturday Night…

Hey, man I’m alive I’m takin each day and night at a time
I’m feelin like a Monday but someday I’ll be Saturday night

Hey, my name is Jim, where did I go wrong
My life’s a bargain basement, all the good shits gone
I just cant hold a job, where do I belong
I’m sleeping in my car, my dreams move on

My name is Billy Jean, my love was bought and sold
I’m only sixteen, I feel a hundred years old
My foster daddy went, took my innocence away
The street life ain’t much better, but at least I get paid

And Tuesday just might go my way
It cant get worse than yesterday
Thursdays, Fridays ain’t been kind
But somehow I’ll survive

Hey man I’m alive I’m takin each day and night at a time
Yeah I’m down, but I know I’ll get by
Hey hey hey hey, man gotta live my life
Like I ain’t got nothin but this roll of the dice
I’m feelin like a Monday, but someday I’ll be Saturday night

Now I cant say my name, and tell you where I am
I want to roll myself away, don’t know if I can

I wish that I could be in some other time and place
With someone else’s soul, someone else’s face

Oh, Tuesday just might go my way
It cant get worse than yesterday
Thursdays, Fridays ain’t been kind
But somehow I’ll survive

Hey, man I’m alive I’m takin each day and night at a time
Yeah I’m down, but I know I’ll get by
Hey hey hey hey, man gotta live my life
I’m gonna pick up all the pieces and what’s left of my pride
I’m feelin like a Monday, but someday I’ll be Saturday night

Saturday night here we go
Some day I’ll be Saturday night
I’ll be back on my feet, I’ll be doin alright
It may not be tomorrow baby, that’s ok
I ain’t goin down, gonna find a way, hey hey hey

Hey man I’m alive I’m takin each day and night at a time
Yeah, I’m down, but I know I’ll get by
Hey hey hey hey, man, gotta live my life
Like I ain’t got nothin but this roll of the dice
I’m feelin like a Monday, but someday I’ll be Saturday night
I’m feelin like a Monday, but someday I’ll be Saturday night
Saturday night, all right, all right
Saturday night… 

Someday I’ll be Saturday NightBon Jovi 

I heard this song after ages two nights back. Was going through some of my old stuff, and came across the Bon Jovi Best of Bon Jovi CD, I had forgotten I ever had. This ain’t one of the common songs that ever comes up when Bon Jovi plays occasionally on TV or radio. That’s usually “Blaze of Glory” or “Bed of Roses” or “You Give Love a Bad Name”. They hardly ever play this song. And I love this one. Its so gut wrenchingly real. I honestly would find it difficult to believe that somebody can listen to this song and not identify with at least one of the different characters and states of mind he’s taking about in the song. Especially if you’ve ever been heart-broken, disillusioned by your “friends”, unhappy with your job, living in isolation in a remote place, with nobody to talk to but yourself…and have always lived through the pain thinking that one day…some day… you will get out of it all.  

Hey, man I’m alive I’m takin each day and night at a time
Yeah I’m down, but I know I’ll get by
Hey hey hey hey, man gotta live my life
I’m gonna pick up all the pieces and what’s left of my pride
I’m feelin like a Monday, but someday I’ll be Saturday night

Saturday night here we go
Some day I’ll be Saturday night
I’ll be back on my feet, I’ll be doin alright
It may not be tomorrow baby, that’s ok
I ain’t goin down, gonna find a way, hey hey hey…
 

Man, when you are deep down in your own personal hellhole, words and songs like those are the only thing standing between you and total insanity.  

A long time back, a really long time back, I remember I kept repeating those words to myself…They gave me the power to stay put. Get a perspective on things. 

I’m gonna pick up all the pieces and what’s left of my pride…I’m feelin like a Monday, but someday I’ll be Saturday night…

Damn right, I was gonna be Saturday night. Someday, maybe not tomorrow, or the day after that. But someday. I owed myself that.  

But, soon enough, ordinary and mundane life took over, and all the resolves, and aspirations just faded away, and took backstage to getting to work, organizing events, writing copy for ads, spending time with friends over coffee and drinks, going out for dinners, making the right jokes. Trying to play different roles at the same time – friend, sibling and son, working-guy, human – it became difficult to hold on to somethings. It became easier to let the world go by, and not be achored, and lead a carefree existence. Not the Saturday night, that I had in mind, but carefree nonetheless. Easy over. And although the grieving and the pain, which had caused the song to be impressed on my mind so deep, had eased away slowly, Saturday night still seemed as elusive as ever. And it didn’t matter, coz as I realised now, over the years, I had forgotten all about the “dream” itself.  

A few things have shaken up that lethargy, in the past year or so…Slowly, but surely. Like I had once said before on this post, it all comes down to choices that a man must make. “…how is a man not to think about his future? Of all the choices that lie ahead. Of the choices he must make. Not only necessary. But inevitable. … But, If one can’t tell what the heart truly wants, one just lives with one’s shallow choices and moves on…” 

I once knew what I feared the most. I lived my life, my way, and I made a difference. To at least one person. The world may disagree, and may think otherwise. But, the world be damned. On that front, I have no more fear.  

And, I know what I want now. Maybe not in tangible terms. What does that mean? I don’t know how much money I want to make in 5 years. I don’t know what car I will drive, and I don’t know whether I want to live in
India or abroad. I don’t know whether I will inherit my parents house in Bandra or move out elsewhere in the future. Those are decisions I will take on the way…with help from others close to me. But I do know something.
 

Right now, I am feeling like a damn good Wednesday, but that ain’t enough.  

Im gonna be Saturday Night! Damn right, yeah…! 

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Comments»

1. Anonymous - June 6, 2007

hey there,
awesome post. here’s hoping ur saturday night soon:)
must say..this is one of the most interesting pieces you’ve written in a long time…
hope alls going good on your end.
tc.
…me..

2. satandit - June 9, 2007

~hey buddy…long time no see…This was a really nice post, and like you I agree…they dont play this Bon Jovi song much do they,one of my favorite pieces as well…
Cheers to you becoming your Saturday night….whenever that happens…~~

3. espritnoir - June 10, 2007

1) Hey there Anon, thnx for your msg. glad you liked the post…:) hope you get your saturday nights (and sunday mornings) too
2) hey there satandit, you finally emerge? where have u been? u have disabled comments on ur blog, so cant even get in touch with you…hows u been…thanks for the comment, and keep in touch
cheers

4. satandit - June 10, 2007

~~Yeah, have been well,got engaged ..so busy with all that…planning to get married in August…so little time,so much to do….
You keep in touch, am enabling comments again~~

5. Ajeya - June 22, 2007

really nice post.. here’s to Saturday night

6. Anonymous - July 19, 2007

Last post june 6th.. wht man.. write something… i believe u will have sometime now…

cg

7. Anonymous - July 22, 2007

where is the comment i put ?


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