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A Wisp of a Dream… April 27, 2006

Posted by espritnoir in Random Thoughts....
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She came to me again last night. She only ever come to me in dreams anymore. Strangely, it wasn’t the face I recognized. Or the voice that I had heard before. Or even the touch that I once knew so well. All my bodily senses told me, that this woman in my dream wasn’t her, she was somebody else. But instinct told me otherwise. Her face was different, but the smile was still loving. Her voice sounded slightly far off, as you often hear in dreams, but it still carried that soft lilt that I recognized. Her touch was hesitant at first, as if she was scared that I would push her away, afraid I wouldn’t recognize her. But it was her. In a different form, but still the same.

It’s strange, the things we keep hidden away from ourselves, in the recesses of our memory, only to discover them when you least expect to. I had forgotten how much I had missed her touch, until last night. How I loved to touch her. Our fingers intertwined with each other, each of us seeking an assurance that the other wasn’t just a figment of the other’s imagination. Caressing her cheek, feeling her soft smooth skin on the back of my hand. My thumb brushing her lips. Kissing her lips, her forehead, her face. The back of her neck. I think I love the back of her neck more than anything else. Brushing away her long curls to one side, I shower her with small tiny kisses, zillions of them. Then slowly move elsewhere, but return to that same spot again. The back of her neck. I don’t think I could ever get tired of showering her with tiny kisses. Considering she has never complained, I don’t think she minds them either. It reminded me of a character in a movie I had once seen, and a novel I had once read. Almasy, who had been obsessed with the hollow spot at the base of a woman’s neck. The woman he was in love with. Like him, I claim the back of her neck as my own kingdom.

In the dream, we lay beside each other, close. No words were spoken, no need to. The highest form of intimacy, to lay beside somebody beautiful, somebody you love, and not have to make love. When just being there is pleasure enough.

It’s dawn soon, and I wake up by myself. I take a minute to realize she wasn’t really there. I try to convince myself that the fragrance that I think lingers in the room, isn’t really her. I resist the urge to wake up completely, hope that by keeping my eyes closed, I can be with her again. But, like a wisp of a cotton cloud, that disappears the moment you try to grab it, she’s gone for now. I don’t know when she’s coming back.

And I get up, and start getting ready to face another day.

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Comments»

1. poemer - April 28, 2006

Dream lovers are both more and less satisfying that real ones. In a dream, they are ruled by our subconcious, not theirs. They have both more and less to offer. Mine are usually a composite of features and characteristics from men in my life. Dreams are a funny thing….

2. silverine - May 4, 2006

This was so achingly romatic and beautifully written. Sometimes I wish those dreams would linger and merge into reality *sigh* Just loved this piece from you.

p.s. I drop in regularly 🙂

3. The Entropy of Smruthy - May 4, 2006

i hope you find her soon… she’s probably going nuts because she hasnt found you yet…

fantastic writing by the way…

4. EspritNoir - May 6, 2006

@poemer : sometimes dream lovers are more real than “real” lovers…real lovers can turn away from you, dream lovers on the other hand, are yours forever…

@ silverine : thanks. don’t we all wish that.aah, if wishes were horses, but i’m still hopeful…i’m glad you drop in, do come more often.

@smruthy : i sure hope so too. all she has to do is just say the words, and i’l do my best to make all her dreams come true. in the meanwhile, if you see ‘her’ somewhere, do tell her i’m going nuts too…;) i’m glad you like the writing. all i can say is that, i try…:)

5. Ajeya - May 13, 2006

reminds me of an ex i went out with for five and a half years. great writing!


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