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Band Aids for Friends January 24, 2006

Posted by espritnoir in I, Me and Myself..., Random Thoughts....

Vacation is over. 2006 was born, and has now started taking its first baby steps into the future. All seems set for the challenges ahead. Hope you, and 2006 ahead, have a great time ahead. Take care.

Was working on an altogether different post as my first one of the year. But this one just kinda wrote itself, late one night sometime back. Bear with me on this one.

Being friends with someone, like being in love, means more than just spending time in each other’s company, cracking jokes, enjoying sundaes with whipped cream, or going out for long drives. Or even inspiring each other to do your best, or looking out for each other, or goading the other to be better, faster & stronger. It’s more than being there in times of trouble, or pulling each other through your lows, and sharing your dreams and your highs. Getting things right with your friends, that’s the easy bit. It’s also about getting things wrong. All the fights, all the mean things you say to each other, all the hurt, all the pain you cause one another. Creasing out the conflicts, that’s the real challenge. After you’ve lost your temper; and you’ve been hurt by things he or she may have done and said; and however right you think you may be; and however wrong the other person may be, it’s also about learning to accept it, and bear it. Not coz it’s easier that way, or because you can’t or shouldn’t walk away from friends, but because any person who is entitled to give you the pleasure of his company as a friend, is also entitled to give you the pain. If you learn to live with the comfort of the pleasure, you also need to learn to look beyond the pain. (I am not talking of forgiveness here. That implies being on a much higher moral plane, and frankly I find that very condescending. Forgiveness should be reserved for rare cases only, in cases of extreme hurt or severe injustice.) Cause, anybody you call a true friend, can’t be all that wrong about judging you, can they? Are you that bad a judge of character, that you don’t even know your own friends? So, if you get in an argument with someone you care about, and totally disagree on a particular point, they may be still be right, in their own way, can’t they? After all, if you’ve spent so much time with them, they can’t be totally crazy, can they? And you may be partly wrong, can’t you? After all, you ain’t God, are you? So, yeah, friendships, like life and any other relationship can hurt like a bitch. Even the good ones. But grin it, and bear it. Once you find friends who bother to care for you, through all the hurt and the pain, it’s worth all the effort.

All my friends out there, who I may have hurt inadvertently in life, all I can say is : I wasn’t thinking. I can’t guarantee I won’t do it again. I can only say it won’t happen intentionally. Try and look beyond that hurt, and give me another chance. Maybe we just got it mixed up. Let’s patch it up.

And, if you’ve hurt me, once in a while, and are feeling lousy, forget about it. I may have lost my cool when I was hurt. In times when the pain is too bad, I may be forced to show that I don’t care. That’s my weakness showing through. But believe me, I do. Call me when you need me, and I’ll be there.

At the end of the day, life’s as much about black and white as it is about rose tinted glasses. And all the hues of gray, and all the other colours in between.



1. silverine - January 31, 2006

Lovely post!

2. silverine - February 4, 2006

Thanks for dropping by. I came here via some blog 🙂 And am glad I did. You seem to be a very accomodative friend. To forgive and forget and understand that to err is human is what makes life long friends. As I wrote earlier this post struck a chord because I have a bunch of friends and we have come a long way by forgiving and understanding each other.–>

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