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Lessons From A Failed Romance – 2 December 29, 2005

Posted by espritnoir in Uncategorized.

(Conlusion to my one of my earlier posts)

As he continued talking, I realized that deep down somewhere he still hadn’t let go. Maybe on the surface the wounds had healed, but deep down, those scars were still fresh as the day she had left him. But he was holding up. Hanging by, maybe, a thread, but his head was still up. And then he shared something with me that I decided was also worth a mention up here.

He is currently doing the wedding rounds, and his family is looking out for some suitable bride, although he is still not completely sure whether he wants to go ahead with it. They know of his grief, and although he admitted, they weren’t quite pleased with his actions, had supported him in his ordeal. He felt going along with their plan, at least exploring other possibilities, was the least he could do to express his gratitude. And, before I could ask him whether he was being fair to the girl he would eventually get married to, he replied, ‘I know what you are thinking. But I wouldn’t want to mess around with somebody else’s life. If I ever get married, the woman will know all about my past. If she feels that the rest of me is good enough to spend the rest of her life with, and she is willing to risk it by helping me clear out my emotional baggage, I know I won’t let her down. No dead bodies in my closet will make anybody else go through the emotional hell I’ve been through. I won’t transfer my pain on to anybody else.’

And what about your ex? Would you invite her to the wedding?

‘You know something, for a while after we broke up, I was browsing through my comp, I came across some 350 odd emails we had traded with each other over the years. Cheesy poems, corny love notes, things that meant the whole world to me, when I was in love. As I read them after she left me somehow they didn’t make much sense. If she had meant all those things she had written, how come we were not together anymore? Maybe they meant something, maybe they were just black letters on a white screen. As I stared at them longer, I figured out something. Those mails, those words, were like a dead body. Cold. Unemotional. The warmth of those words was gone. Like the dead body of a loved one, they existed physically. Just like I could touch a dead body, I could read the words over and over again. But, the feelings in them had died out, leaving behind only a corpse of meaningless words. However much you love somebody, their dead body lacks something – the soul. Its warmth is gone forever. A cadaver is as real as a living person, but you don’t keep a dead body with you forever. You cremate it and try to hold on to the soul and the spirit that it once possessed. I thought deleting those mails would be the most difficult thing I had ever done. They were my only link to a past I so desperately wanted to keep alive. But once I realized that they were nothing more than cadavers, it was relatively simpler. And after crying for her for so long, I realized that’s what she is to me. A cadaver. The love’s all gone. From her side at least. I still love her, but just like the way you continue loving a dead person. In the past. And you don’t invite dead people to your wedding. You just get on with your life after a while, and think of them a few times in the year, shed a tear, and put on a smile and move on. So, no, I won’t invite her to my wedding. If I ever get hitched, you will be invited though. So drink up. And let the dead past bury its dead. Tonight we celebrate the present.’

Soon after that toast, we parted ways for the night. I walked away with slightly more respect for him than I did before. Everybody needs to find love. Especially the ones who have experienced for one brief fleeting moment in life. It’s easier to live life in blissful ignorance, never knowing love. But if you’ve ever loved or have been loved, your life becomes that much more drab and joyless when love’s gone.

May he find his true love. Amen.



1. La Femme - January 24, 2006

That made me a little sad, although all that cadaver talk was a bit unnerving. Sorry, bad joke! Hey, thanks for your comment on my blog!

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